How to Park a Boat Along the Bosphorous

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Nancy and I have lived in a cozy apartment in a cliff-top hamlet (sans ham) above the Bosphorous for almost nine months now, and we have watched many boats and ships slip beneath us in the world’s most famous trans-continental waterway. We have crossed above the channel on its two great bridges many times (always slowly -- traffic is horrible here), and churned over its turbulent surface aboard ferries.
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In addition, I frequently walk along the European shoreline between the bridges, and have even ventured into the Sea of Marmara on an unplanned visit to the Prince’s Islands. Based upon these observations, I am now prepared to declare that there exists no such thing as a marina along the Bosphorous between the second bridge and the Sea of Marmara. FACT: boats along the Bosphorous must park perpendicularly.
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Huge vessels such as international tour ships (those gigantic, floating castles that, like bloated seafaring fairy godmothers, appear and disappear in the night) are allowed to sidle up to the shore and park in a parallel fashion. Also, the many state-run ferries and some gigantic yachts are permitted to park parallel to the concrete shores for two reasons: 1) If they parked perpendicularly, they would jut out too far into the Bosphorous and endanger other water traffic; and 2) I don’t know, but I’m sure a lot of money is involved.
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Boat Parking Procedures
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1) Small Boats (mostly independent fishers, but some serve as private water taxis; composition -- wood with cabin; crew, 1-2)
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Slowly approach the concrete shoreline until the bow makes a soft contact. Leave the motor running and the rudder straight. Carefully climb off the boat and tie it to the shore using the ropes you left there near the ancient, rusted cleats jutting from the concrete. Make sure your boat has a few sealed plastic bottles almost full of filthy brown water hanging from both sides; this will avoid lateral damage from the other small boats next to which you have parked when the winds increase. Climb back aboard, turn off your motor and then disembark the vessel, leaving it to the stasis of barnacle growth, mold, wood rot, and the curious currents above (carrying the cormorants and gulls), and below (carrying the jellyfish and plastic pollution).
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2) Medium to large-sized boats (almost always for rent from waterside agencies) or privately-owned motor launches, but including many multilevel, double-masted sailing vessels with bars on every deck, flat-screen TVs, and cheerfully seating more than the law permits; crew size is determined by the number of bars/renters.
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The following scenario takes place at night:
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Skipper: Turn on both forward and rear spotlights. (In the really cool boats, the rear lights include submerged black-lights, operating whenever the boat is ‘on.’ When such a boat is stationary, the jellyfish make a spectacular, southbound, luminescent parade of palpitating parachutes.) Slowly approach the rented buoy assigned to your parking slot. (The buoy is a metal, brightly painted, cone-shaped bobber larger than a 50-gallon oil barrel anchored to the floor of the Bosphorous by a thick metal chain).
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Deck Hand: Stand poised at the prow wielding a long pole with a hook at the end. Once the buoy is in sight, alert the Skipper.
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Skipper: At the Deck Hand’s call, shift the engine into neutral gear.
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Deck Hand: Carefully lunge for the clasp until you snag the buoy. This may take several passes, considering the winds and currents. Eventually attach the bow rope to the buoy. Remove the hook from the buoy clasp and replace the pole to its secured position.
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Skipper: Carefully begin backing the vessel toward your rented niche, pulling up the slack buoy rope.
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Deck Hand: Scamper aft, heaving the large, attached plastic bumpers overboard on one side. Wait until the boat is close enough to the shore for you to leap off safely. Jump ashore. Attach the stern ropes to the shore clamps. Jump back aboard before the Skipper shifts forward.
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Skipper: Shift forward and tighten the stern ropes.
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Deck Hand: Scurry forward, heaving the bumpers overboard on the other side, then pull in the slack from the bow rope.
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Skipper: Shift into reverse and tighten the bow rope.
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Deck Hand: Scamper back and tighten the stern ropes.
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Skipper and Hand: Repeat this procedure until the boat is securely triangulated between the buoy and the shore clamps.
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Deck Hand: Lower the gangway.
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Skipper: Turn off the engines, but leave the black-lights on so the departing guests can enjoy the jellyfish parade passing between the boat and the concrete shore.
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Skipper and Hand: After the guests have left the vessel, drink raki and smoke cigarettes. Don’t forget to turn off the black-lights.